Billy Bob’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them.”

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they both would walk!

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factory where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it’s doing. “As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise.” he says “The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.

However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness’s. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Johnny?”

Instead of studying for the last exam of their college careers, four seniors spent the night partying in the house they had rentedoff campus. The next morning they waited until the test would bealmost finished, and then made their way to class. Along the way they all put grease on their hands to support the story they were going to tell their professor. The class was almost done with the exam, when all four seniors burst into the room. They report to the professor that they had a flat tyre along the way and could they please retake the test? The professor said that he was a reasonable man, so he scheduled a test date for the following week.
Their plan had worked!

An orphan named Simon has dreamed of appearing on ‘Stars in Their Eyes’ since he was a small boy, living with his aunt and uncle in Leeds. He writes to Matthew Kelly year after year, and finally gets an audition.

The audition goes really well and he drives back up to Leeds to celebrate getting on the show, but as he is nearing home he has a terrible car accident, and loses his legs due to horrendous crush injuries. The surgeon who removes the mangled legs ‘phones his relatives to break the awful news. When Simon’s aunt related the tragedy to her husband, he collapses and dies of a heart attack. Hearing the terrible plight of the family, the surgeon suggests that, as they are blood relatives, he would like to try grafting the legs of the freshly deceased man onto his nephewТs body. The aunt agrees, and the legs are packed in ice and rushed to the hospital, where they are successfully attached to Simon. There follow 9 months of painful rehabilitation, but eventually the brave young man is walking again.

During a propaganda tour through the US George Bush stopped off at a school to lecture the kids on the administrations policies. After he had finished he asked the kids for questions.

Young Bob jumped up first, “Mr President, I have three questions.
1. How did you manage to win the vote for the presidency when you had less votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without any reason?
3. Don’t you think that dropping the A-Bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest ever terror attack in history?”
Just at that moment the school bell rang for the break and the kids all walked out.

A Lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, ‘Shore is, little lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?’