A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can’t just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just ‘play along’ and humor her.

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, “What’s 2+2?” “Ummm… 4!” the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: “What’s the square root of 100?” “Ummm… 10!” the blonde says.

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Reuters via The Manchester Evenings News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a special branch vehicle, and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

This is a apparently true story form the Word Perfect Helpline:-
Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is apparently suing the Word Perfect Organisation for :Termination without cause!!

(o=helpdesk operator; c=client)
o: Ridge Hall computer assistant, may I help you?
c: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with Wordperfect
o: What sort of trouble?
c: Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words just went away.
o: Went away?
c: They disappeared.
o: Hmm, so what does your screen look like now?
c: Nothing
o: Nothing?
c: Its blank, and it won’t accept anything when I type.
o: Are you still in wordperfect or did you get out?
c: How do I tell
o: Can you see the C prompt on the screen?
c: What is a sea-prompt?
o: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
c: There isn’t any cursor, I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.
o: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
c: What is a monitor?

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks a clerk for an anal deodorant. The clerk explains that they don’t stock such a thing. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The store clerk passes the man on to the pharmacist, who explains that the store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago, and has done for several years.

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills but not being particularly impressed with any of them, he decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job.

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a cinema. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry sir, but you”re only allowed one seat.”
The man groaned but didn”t budge. The usher became impatient.
“Sir,” the usher said, “if you don”t get up from there, I”m going to have to call the manager.”

A crusty looking old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a damn checking account.”
To which the astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!”

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. At the end of the trip, the Russian leader tells the African that in Russia they have a custom performed at farewells called “Russian Roulette” to demonstrate one’s courage. The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger…CLICK…empty chamber.

He hands the revolver to his African guest, and says, “Your turn.”