Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came across a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.

The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

John was in trouble, really big trouble. You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you’re married, you can imagine what he’s probably going through. His wife was really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!” She was serious too, so John got serious.

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: “God, please give me the strength to cross the river” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

A little boy looks up at his father and asks, “Dad, what’s politics?”

Dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way.” I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me “Capitalism.” Your Mom is the administrator of the household, so we’ll call her “The Government.” We’re here to take care of your needs so we’ll call you “The People.” The nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we’ll consider her “The Working Class.” And your baby brother… we’ll call him “The Future.”

10. Pull into a gas station and use the window washer to wash your entire car.
9. Ask a bank teller to break a $100 bill for you. Then when asked how you want it done say, “in hundreds”.
8. Call a political candidate’s campaign office and ask them for a donation to your non-candidacy.
7. Ask a security guard how it feels knowing that in all the action movies the security guards are always the first to die.

John really wanted to buy a motorcycle. He had been searching nearly every day, with no luck (he’s quite picky). One day he comes across a mint looking Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one even though it’s 10 years old, really shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, on the spot, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. “Well, it’s quite simple, really,” says the seller, “whenever the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.” And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

A little boy looks up at his father and asks, “Dad, what’s politics?”

Dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way.” I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me “Capitalism.” Your Mom is the administrator of the household, so we’ll call her “The Government.” We’re here to take care of your needs so we’ll call you “The People.” The nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we’ll consider her “The Working Class.” And your baby brother… we’ll call him “The Future.”

They’re bound to terrorize all tech support personnel sooner or later — the call from hell. These are calls from people without a clue in their heads. They call tech support lines and refuse to get off until the tech support staff members on the other end have lost all remnants of their sanity. The callers invariably exhibit both incompetence and belligerence, either of which is fully capable of driving even the strongest to the height of frustration or the brink of frenzied hysteria. The content of these calls is a conglomeration of computer stupidities of every variety, glued together with so thick a haze of idiocy, it will cause instant and complete gray hair to anyone remotely associated. Be forewarned...

Captain Queeg goes into a harbor bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this here octopus can’t play.”

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old mandolin. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes it, and starts playing a few choruses of “Rawhide.” Captain Queeg quickly pockets the fifty bucks.

The next bar patron comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its chops and starts playing “Stella By Starlight.” Yet another $50 is handed over to the smiling captain.

The Otis Elevator Company have announced the introduction of radical new technology in their latest range of lifts which actually increases the response time of the lift the more you press the call button. Following extensive consumer research, the company identified a niche in the market as elevators across the world were reported to be completely ignoring repetitive hole pressing.