Sex Jokes

A man & his wife are in bed one night. The wife wants a bit of action from her husband, but he doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s there, he just continues reading a book. She keeps waiting & waiting for him to make his first move, but he doesn’t, so she gets disqusted & goes to sleep. 10 minutes later, she feels his fingers in her vagina, and says, “oh fred you finally want me?” He replies, “nah, I’m just wetting my fingers to turn the page”

A young woman asked her mom one day, “how do I keep guys off me?” and her mom replied “ask him what the baby’s name will be”. So the next day she goes to a party and asks guys who are hitting on her, “what will the baby’s name be?” This gets rid of them in a hurry. Then one guy dances with her and she asks, “what will the baby’s name be?” So he takes her upstairs and when they’re done she asks again, “what will the baby’s name be?” He then removes his condom, ties it at the top and says, “if the baby gets out of this, call him Houdini”

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

“Care to go upstairs and do it?” the husband asked.

“Shh!” said the bride “All the neighbors will know what we’re about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we’ll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, ‘Have you left the washing machine door open’ instead?”

So, the following night, the husband asks, “I don’t suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?”

“No, I definitely shut it,” replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, “I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?”

“No, thanks,” said the husband. “It was only a small load so I did it by hand.”

Cover Charge: $15.00
Round of Drinks: $23.00
Table Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance and Tips: $50.00
A Round of Shots: $34.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00
Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500.00
Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:

...PRICELESS!