''I always get a double-take from customs because my passport is only 4 months old.”
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’’When you find out yarn weight and needle size matter in a pattern’’
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’’Yeah, you and me both — no wonder I love this pizza!’’
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’’I made a new art piece today. I call it Cutting Board in the Dishwasher."
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’’The face I made on my first real rollercoaster ride’’
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’’Expectation vs reality’’
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’’Seventh grade me vs 2022 me — it wasn’t a phase, Mom.’’
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’’I wanted to look beautiful but instead, I look like a creepy guy from a Halloween movie.’’
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’’If you think you look ugly in a document, check mine out."
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"My advice is: Never become a blonde!"
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"Leonardo DiCaprio made a joke at the American Movie Awards ceremony. He said, "Do you engrave Oscars every year? How would I know?""
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"This was in my dentist's waiting room."
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"My boss and I had an ugly sweater competition."
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"So my friend went to the DMV on Halloween..."
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"New workout plan."
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"When there is nothing to talk about"
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"Job search"
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"It happened. I'm a Disney princess now!"
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"Rice bear under cheese blanket, or...an alien?"
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“When you look more like Harry Potter than Harry Potter!”
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“When I was 16, my parents commissioned my grandad to paint a portrait of me to raise my self-esteem. It did not.”
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“This is why no one talks to me at school.”
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“No, I’m not pregnant. I just feel like pregnancy pics are cute, and I want to be involved.”
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“When no one gives me compliments for a few days, I start thinking that I look exactly like in this small mirror.”
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“Hi, ladies! Would you like to drop by for a gulp of oxygen or a glass of fluid?”
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“I found the perfect Halloween costume. Or is it perfect as an everyday outfit?”
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"What do you know about a beautiful life?"
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“My dad and I have a tradition of putting me in the Costco cart, and now that I’m nearly 30 we realized it’s borderline sad.”
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“I tried taking a selfie while I was underwater.”
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“For my birthday this year, I decided to go to my favorite team’s game. To tell you the truth, it could have been a better gift.”
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“I took school dances a little too seriously.”
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"This mom turned her son’s broken arm into infinite power."
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“Today I welcomed my first child into the world. Here’s a photo of me waking up after passing out in the OR.”
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“My coworker told me today that I always look suspicious. I was very confused as to why she would think that and then remembered I have literally looked like this since I was a baby.”
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“I send this to my girlfriend when our arguments aren’t getting anywhere.”