"Got bitten by a mosquito… i can barely move my hand now.'
"Just blended up some fresh Diablo sauce."
"My wife informed me I sleep walked last night."
"Dropped 10 pounds of beads on the floor today at work. Boss was not happy."
"Welp, I almost fell into a sinkhole under my porch. I caught myself on the edge of the hole, from my chest down was just dangling beneath me. Below the opening the hole is about 10’ wide and 15’ deep."
"While making dinner, the kitchen tile just fell off the wall."
"I went outside for an hour on Accutane... "
"Kiddo brought lice home from school… mortified."
"My house got hit by a tornado yesterday, it's heavily damaged but still standing, and nobody is injured. I have no idea how to get the grill out of my pool's deep end though."
"My throat got very big 3 weeks ago and we went to the doctors for it. turns out i have a pretty rare disease that lasts for 4-6 weeks. I got a whole lot of medication for the pain, but i also got some for sleeping. turns out I'm very allergic to it. This is over my entire body."
"$396 bottle of eye drops my dad needs before cataract surgery. Medicare didn't cover it. (Quarter for scale)."
"I accidentally ripped out my eyelashes an hour before I got married."
"Just bought a TV and broke it while mounting it."
"Finally found where that melted plastic smell was coming from."
"Just got my car back from body shop last month. Looks like I get to pay another deductible."
"Guess who s never going snowboarding ever again?"
"Down to my last $20, and now I need to fix this."
"Guess what kind of animal nonchalantly pushed my mug from the table."
"The handle of the cooler broke as I was carrying down all the drinks I had 20 min before my friends, I haven't seen in months, arrived."