Christmas Foods Ranked (14 pics)
13. Fruitcake
You always hear about fruitcake being a Christmas food, see it in Christmas movies, etc., but have never encountered it in real life. You’re starting to think it might just be a myth, like Santa Claus or penguins.
But then, on the twenty-eighth Christmas of your life, bad luck finally strikes. You find yourself face-to-face with a slab of the stuff. Brown with chunks of red and green. Yuletide vomit baked into an awful loaf. The fact it’s been arranged on a fine China platter beside gently flickering candles and festive table décor feels like a sick joke.
Alas, curiosity takes over and you carve off a sliver. It tastes similar to pie. Minus the joy. It isn’t necessarily offensive to the tongue. But it’s so grainy and bland and void of pleasure that knowing someone intentionally foisted it upon a celebration of kinship and love and life itself is an incredibly offensive thought. Whoever made it must either be a sadist or someone who hates Christmas so much they can’t stand to see other people enjoy it.
##ck fruitcake. I'd rather get a stocking full of coal. I could at least use that to cook something less sh*tty.
12. Cranberry Sauce
Many Cranberry Connoisseurs swear the simple Ocean Spray Cran-In-A-Can is the best option — even better than fixing it at home. I would agree because spending any amount of time in the kitchen attempting to make that bitter red muck appetizing is a tremendous waste.