"I may be part kangaroo - I'm a 5'4″ woman with size 13 *men's* feet - shoe shopping is a nightmare!"
2
"My Boss didn't realize that there was an envelope of cash on her desk before using the shredder."
3
"Brushed my teeth with IcyHot this morning; how is your day going?"
4
"Maintenance came to my apartment today to fix the oven handle that fell off..."
5
"The dinner my husband was cooking for 3 hours."
6
"My cat was napping behind the tv and something startled him."
7
"I owned this vehicle for 3 months before i found out it didn't have a mirror in the sun visor. Instead some one taped a picture of mr. Hankey there. Merry Christmas I guess."
8
"When your cabinet decides it’s time to break lose and come crashing down the day you install your brand new glass top stove."
9
"My municipality's attempt on designing a Christmas tree."
10
"Went out on a boat without sunscreen today and now I have what I am calling “the bib of pain.”
11
"Gravity wins. But I live to trip another day."
12
"I mishandled my pizza. It all happened so fast."
13
"Well, it is not a good idea to clean the screen of the MacBook with glass cleaner."
14
"The universes way of telling me I didn’t need a burger I guess."
15
"There was only 1 mask in car. My wife’s. Guess it looks like I am wearing my wife’s underwear in the hardware store."
16
"Friend got a set of brand new tyres then 6 days later this happened. The “lucky 13” is a nice touch."
17
18
"Went to watch my kids play hockey today..."
19
"Hired contractor to fix a floor. Came home to a busted door covered in sharpie. They say it wasn’t them."
20
"Even yogurt has betrayed me."
21
"I come home from work and my home is gone."
22
"My Newton’s Cradle fell from the desk and is now a Newton’s Scrotum."
23
"Random guy drove his car into my house on Sunday morning causing $24k worth of damage."
24
"I just got over having Covid 19. A little over a week back at work, I fell down the stairs, and fractured my ankle."
25
"Well, my girlfriend and I just had a flatbed truck lose it’s load of buckets filled with stucco splatter all over her car."