"Wanted to start my day with a big coffee. The splat even has a face..."
"I found a black widow spider in my shower puff this morning."
"The amount of waffle batter my wife and kids left for me."
"Somehow didn’t see this in the lawn as I was mowing. The mower survived, my wife’s favorite gardening tool didn’t have the same outcome."
"Had a leak develop in our laboratory this morning. Nobody was on campus to catch it so there was 4 inches of standing water and countless ruined pieces of equipment."
"My neighbor cut some trees today and ended up cutting our cable internet line. Happy quarantine everyone..."
Someone left his Nintendo Switch on a radiator while it was charging...
"After being depressed in my room for the last 2 weeks, I decided to get up and make Alton Brown's peanut butter cookies. No one told me the oven has been overheating and within 3 minutes, all but 3 of my cookies were completely burned on the bottom. I'm going back to bed."
"The hail that just hit my house. There were thousands of them this size."
"Supposed to be my bachelor party today. Now it's a party for 1. It might feel odd later when i strip for myself..."
"Everyone wants a skylight above their bed until it's a full moon night."
"Built this deck last summer to spend future evenings with my wife. It’s my 40th birthday, we’re getting a divorce and the pandemic keeps all my friends away. Pandemic, Divorce, and Birthdays f*cking suuuuck! Well at least I have my health :)"
"I spent over 4 hours baking a cake only to immediately drop it."
"My submission for dumbest way to injure yourself: I burnt my hand taking tomato soup out of the microwave. The toast I was making popped up and it scared me."
"I got attacked by a dog on my way to get groceries and now I have to get shots for the next 4 days at the most crowded hospital in my city..."
"Spent months creating and printing a card game that requires bodily contact, just in time for my shipment to arrive mid-quarantine."
"Everyone including my parents forgot it was my birthday today, so I improvised."
"Israel brings in millions of eggs to relieve Passover shortages and then this happens."
"Finding a hundred dollar bill in the parking lot only to learn it’s movie prop money."